Makin Chili Bitches...

As I get older I have become fascinated with annual events. The gathering of friends at designated times of the year to indulge in friendly competition. One of those annual events is "The Chili Cook-Off"- sponsored by my friend Fuzzy, and His Wife, whom I will refer to as Mrs. Fuxxy (an inside joke that I can't really explain, and have it seem funny to an outsider).

Last year I introduced the world to Cobra- a unique chili creation. I talked a lot of shit about my culinary skill, and it was warranted: I won the overall competition at the Second Annual Chili Cook-Off.
For the past year, the coveted Blue Ribbon has resided upon my kitchen wall, and as this years competition swiftly approaches I feel compelled to up my game. This is largely due to the fact that I emerged victorious from the vacuum created by the fact that the previous years cook-off champion did not compete. Captain Dogg, and his notorious chili- (good stuff to be sure) was the overall winner the first year, but the Captain could not be present during the second cook-off due to a sad loss of a loved one, and a need to travel to be with the family.
As a result, my championship defense maintains an element of under-dog status. the Paper Champion vs. The Salty Vet. Can I emerge victorious, and justify my previous accomplishment, or will I fade, and drop tears in my beer like Drew has for the past two events...


Here are the Catagories-

1. Best in Show (overall award for plating and presentation)
2. Chili with the most HEART-INESS (Best use of the Bean)
3. Prettiest Crockpot (a competition favorite)
4. Five Alarm (which chili is too hot to handle?)
5. Most Innovational (best use of artistic licensewith a focus on the ingredients chosen)
6. Best Variation on a Chili (a non-beef category)
7. BEST OVERALL FLAVOR (The Blue Ribbon Category!!!)

I am shooting to ace catagories 1,2,3,5, and 7, although I think under the rules I can only win one.

I began this odyssey by taking on a partner. Shananigans is my willing compatriot. I decided to alter my approach to Chili cook-off success. I may have won last year, but a warrior never comes at you the same way twice, so I need to alter my game.

We are going with a Fresh is Better approach- and my pre-game preparation began last night.

Presentation plan? Check
Hearty base? Check
Reliable spice? Check
Girlfriend decorating the crockpot according to Blue Ribbon / Cobra Theme? Check
Secret ingredient? Check
Taste? Me Thinks so...

We shall see how this all pans out in next weeks entry.

Wish me luck!

[Edit to name result 2/4]

We won "Most Heart-iness"- and I think a 3rd overall in taste. Tatters is the new champ- my hat is off to him, his contender was very tasty.

I am already thinking about next year... What can I do with booze?

Car Story

My Dad says I loved cars before I even knew what they were. When I was 3 or 4 I climbed out of bed and went out to our detached garage. Dad found me fast asleep with my blanket in the cubby area behind the seats of his 1977 Corvette. Dad is a car guy, so we had a lot of cool cars as I grew up. My first memories are of my Mothers 1971 Mustang Mach 1, my Dads K-series Blazers, and our Corvette. My Dads best friend had a Porsche 911 that he kept in our garage, and we had a 1970 or so MGB at one point. We had a lot of "3rd cars" as I grew up because Dad was in sales and was given company cars to drive on his routes throughout Western Pennsylvania, Ohio, Indiana and Michigan. We actually "owned" 2 cars, and the third would be a company vehicle. Dad sure took care of those though, I remember he used to pull the wire wheel covers off the company cars, and take all the spokes out in order to run them through our dishwasher, then he would polish all the spokes as he put the hub caps back together. He is the real deal when it comes to detailing, and our NSX is just further proof of how far he will go. Dad has always worked in sales of industrial lubricants, hydraulic fluids, and coolants for the Tool and Die industry for as long as I can remember. It was pretty cool to go along with him on his trips. I got to tour all kinds of cool factories all over the midwest. When we would go out on the road I would bide my time on the highway by identifying cars, and badging. I am observant by nature so I quickly began to note the subtle differences in tail light configurations, paint schemes, wheels, and exhaust. Somewhere in my mind I began cataloging all that data. I can't look at a car today without analyzing it to determine what year and model I am looking at.
I mowed lawns from the time I was 13, and my Dad used to have my customers pay by check. He would take my checks and deposit them, and then give me part of the money to spend, along with my tips. I also got a decent allowance for household chores- which included washing the family cars once a week- even in the dead of a Cleveland winter. At that time my Stepmother had a gorgeous deep blue 1988 BMW 325i coupe. The car had a 5-speed, so Dad taught me 2 gears. Reverse to back out of the garage, and 1st to pull back in. In Winter I would back a car out of the garage and then maneuver the other into the middle and wash / wax the car in the heated garage. At that time we had a 2 and a half car garage, the Bimmer, a Suzuki 750 motorcycle from the early 70's, and a Lincoln Mark VII with a Paxton S/C (I used to call it the executive fighter jet- that car had a button for everything) I honed my skills detailing those cars.
My Stepmother was an exec with Blue Coral Inc. (car wax) and the company owner Mr. Adelman had a decent collection of cars. On many occasions My stepmother would bring home Mr. Adelman's cars and Dad and I would go to work on them. I recall a Mercedes 600 AMG- a huge white monster with AMG Hammer wheels, he had an assortment of Mercedes 500 convertibles over the years, a Porsche 928, and a Ferrari Mondial Convertible. I worked on all of these, and they were generally pretty rough- Mr. Adelman's wife was a 2-footed driver, so brake dust in the wheels was pretty thick, but my smaller fingers could get inside the small slots in the wheels to clean them.
In Jr. High I developed a fascination with Corvettes. I was captivated by the subtle differences in the mid-year models. The ways you could tell a 64 from a 65, or a 66, (63's and 67's were always obvious) The powertrain options, FI, Dual Quads, and Tri-Power- The Bill Mitchell history, and Zora Arkus-Duntov. In interesting bit of trivia- as much as I love, and respect the Corvette- I have never driven one. I had the opportunity to drive a C6 once at a GM Drive event in Houston- I drove the Cadillac CTS-V instead. A month later I was driving home from work and I came upon a C6 in traffic. It dawned on me that I had NEVER driven a Corvette, and that I was an idiot for passing on that opportunity. I called Dad immediatly and we had a laugh, and agreed I should definitly drive one, and I should make it a point to do so. I still haven't done it- but I am always looking for an opportunity.
When I turned 16 my Dad produced the deposit book for my bank account and I had just shy of $5k to use to buy a car. We had a deal that Dad would either match me dollar for dollar for a car, and I would pay all of my own insurance, or I could buy a car and he would pay half my insurance. I immeadiatly set my heart on a 1968 Camaro hotrod for sale up the street. The car was just beyond my reach financially, so I would need to invoke the dollar matching agreement- so we priced insurance. 16yr old + 1968 Camaro SS (the car had a non original 396 and Muncie 4-speed in it). The insurance man squashed my dreams. Dad and I came to terms on a 1988 Honda Accord LXi cpe, and my recently divorced Dad came to terms with the cars female owner. They actaully got married about 5 months later, and are still married today. Cathy is a big Honda fan, and it quickly rubbed off on Dad- He hasn't bought anything but Hondas in the 16 years they have been married, and the garage currently houses an 05 MDX, and 06 RL and our 94 NSX (our second NSX- the first was a 91).We then moved from Cleveland to Chicago, and our relationship was strained to the point where I left my car and moved to Pennsylvania to live with my Mom. I promptly aquired a 1979 Pontiac Firebird (affectionatly referred to as "The Chicken") I got my V8, and liability insurance. i had a few misadventures in that car, and eventually blew the Pontiac 301. I replaced it with a Chevy 350 (BLASPHEME!) out of an old police cruiser. My Mom's boyfriend at the time owned a cab company, and he bought up old cop cars to convert into cabs. I worked in the maintainence garage with his mechanic repainting the black and white cruisers yellow, and doing brake jobs, tune-ups, and gas tank replacements. He gave me the engine for free, and we did the swap in the garage. I think the engine had 200k on it when I got it, but it got the job done. On a school snowday 3 of my friends and i were out in the chicken drifting (literally) and the 350 sucked a valve. I was able to hobble the car home, but it was never "right" again. I sold it for what I paid for it and moved on. I bought an 5-speed Ford Tempo Cpe we called "The Bud Mobile"- and I drove that until graduation. I sold the Tempo, and Dad helped me buy another 88 Honda Accord LXi Cpe to take to college.
I elected to take a semester off first, and then sold the car when I went away to school in January- I was going to college and wanted to focus on the important things rather than work to pay auto insurance. So I went to school, and promptly partied my way right out.After a year and a half, the university kindly asked me to move on, so i went home to Pittsburgh and got a job as security supervisor in my Mom's office building. I bought her 1991 Ford Escort LX- which I named "Milk"- I had already flogged that poor car relentlessly while in highschool, and that little Mazda motor kept on winding away. I took Milk back to school with me, where I promptly flunked out again, but I DID meet my future wife.
This time I got all responsible, and got a job selling Volkwagens. I came into VW at the "right time" the New Beetle was in it's second year, and the New Jettas were selling as fast as we could get them. I was making really good money, and my new wife was a Registered Nurse, so she was doing well too. I promptly leased a brand new 99 Honda Accord sedan.
Things were going well, but the owner of my dealership decided to sell the VW franchise to another dealer. I ended up getting shuffled over to his new Hyundai franchise, the victim of a non-compete agreement that prevented me from leaving to go with VW.I left and went to Honda. At Honda I was the young gun in the showroom the "Wiz Kid". People like dealing with me, and i did a decent volume. I mainly sold Accords, Civics, and Odyssey's, but that picture on the wall of my (now EX) Wife and the 1991 NSX always got peoples attention that i was interested in the less mundane autos. To fill my need I focused on the Civic Si, the Prelude SH, and the beautiful Honda Accord Coupe from 1998-2002. You can imagine- when the S2000 came out it was love at first site. I poured over the technical specs, absorbing every detail about the suspension, the high X-bone chassis, and the 240hp 2.0 4 cylinder with a 9000 RPM redline. When the first one arrived at our dealership, I drove it from the truck back to storage. I helped our lead car-prep unwrap it, and I took it to PDI. I subsequently sold 4 of our 5 car allocation for sticker price (no gauging).
I wanted to go back to school, the owner of the dealership wanted me to stay. He made me a finance manager for the autogroup, and my income nearly doubled.
I still wanted to go back to school, so I paid my bills off, and I went. I also got rid of my wifes aweful Dodge Neon, and bought my Integra GSR.
The decision to leave a blossoming career has haunted me a few times, and it ultimately cost me my marriage, but I did go back and this time I graduated with a 3.0 GPA. a year or so after graduation I sold the integra and bought a used Lexus. After a year and a half with the Lexus I was rear ended by a jack ass in a Lincoln Aviator. I was stopped in traffic and he rear-ended me going 65 mph. all those safety design elements I had pitched so often to my car sales customers- crumplezones, and safety glass did their work, and I stepped from my ruined ES300 nearly unscathed.
Irony? I was on my way to take the Texas Insurance Licensing exam at the time of the collision.
Dad found me my 99 Accord Coupe near his home in Houston. The insurance settlement from the Lexus paid for the Accord, and then some. 6 months later i got the job offer that put me where I am today. Making the same money I was making in the car biz.
Now I am looking for a BMW E36 M3, or an S2000 to make my own...

To be continued..

More Slo-Mo Goodness

Call me obsessed- I am really into slow motion lately.

I think I am attracted to the deliberateness of the action- somehow the fact that it is happeneing so gradually, and is so relentless, and inevitable. Each frame of motion is so purposeful.

It is inspiring.

Visiting the Folks- Priorities

So here I go with another post that will probably start off one way, and then skew off in another direction. I have decided this is just my writing style, so I am going to go with it and see what happens.
It is official- Shenanigan's has met all of my parents. This past weekend we traveled to Houston and she made acquaintance with my Dad, and Stepmother. It went well. I guess in contrast to events past.
I always get nervous when it comes to introducing the women in my life to my parents. It has gone badly in he past.
I remember Introducing Michele to my mother- Judgement: We looked too much alike
Pamela to my Mother and Stepfather- Judgement- Pam mistakenly told my folks where she had a tattoo on her foot done- step dad was from the area, and identified it as a seedy place. I think that was the first step in the wrong direction, and then while we were having a conversation about a trip we had just been on to go white water rafting we discovered that we had stayed in the same cottage that my parents had stayed in on their honeymoon. It was a fun coincidence until Pam playfully pointed out that we had all very likely had sex on the same bed... That would have been funny had we been among our peers, but not my parents. In this case, awkward silence.
Next was Britney- This one was sort of special. First- I was 22 years old basically thinking with the little head all the time, and this girl was very attractive. Unfortunately she was also one of those girls that would play dumb in order to get attention, she also dressed like a stripper, so that didn't help much.
Dad was living in California, and his assistant had convinced him that I was at an age where I might want to bring my girlfriend home with me. Dad mentioned this to me on the phone one day when I was flirting with Britney, and what came to pass was a perfect storm of mortifying embarrassment.
Brit and I weren't really dating, we were just flirting around, and had hooked up only once. I am not sure why I thought it would be a good idea to take her out to California with me, but I did. It started badly as about a week before we were to leave her behavior went totally erratic. I caught her trying to steal some things from a friend of mine, and she was increasingly unstable when she drank- which was often, and there were nights where I basically had to scrape her off the street to get her home. I knew it was a bad idea, but tickets had been bought, expectations set... The night before we were meant to leave I spent my day chasing Britney- I should have just left her. We finally got going, and arrived at my Mothers house for dinner- Mom got the first gander at the dumb act. We boarded a plane and flew to California. I will say that my folks were as accommodating as they could be. Although I can recall at least two episodes that make me want to gag in embarrassment to this day. I actually had one of those moments you see in the movies where i just impulsively ordered 5 shots of terquila in an effort to mask the horror I was experiencing.
The whole thing was best summed up when my ex-wife made the ill concieved faux paux of seating my Mother, and Father and their significant others accross a table from each other at our rehearsal dinner. Even though nearly 20 years had passed, there was a degree of awkward silence which my Stepmother broke with a single, well placed comment.
"Thank God it isn't Britney"

When I brought my Ex-wife home for the first time things went differently. I think there was a degree of relief. Diane was outwardly normal, although a bit bashful when they met initially. She eventually became more comfortable. Upon our later seperation my mother revealed that she had never really taken to her, and always felt she was being secretive- this was not a misjudgement, as Diane was extremely closeted, and in that way misleading about the fact that she was a control freak. Mom picked up on it, and made note after we seperated.

Introduced Grace to my Dad- Grace slept the whole time, it was a bit weird.
Mom's comment when I told her about Grace- Cultured, artistic, bright, Mormon- Moms reply? "Oh honey, that's a cult". We eventually went our seperate ways, but it wasn't over that.

Introduced 1st Lauren to my Dad- event was sort of blah. Nothing positive, or negative.

2nd Lauren didn't like house pets, so she didn't quite fit into a household of 4 cats, although she was liked...

That brings us to Shananigans
Mom- I got an email the day after they met advising that she was "a treasure", and "a keeper". Step dad approval as well. It seems to be a mutual like since Shananigans came along on another trip to Pittsburgh shortly after.

Dad & Cathy- I don't think Cathy and my ex Wife exchanged as many words in the 5 years I was with her as Shananigans, and Cathy did on the first day we were in Houston.

So it went well, and I was relieved.

Obsessed with slow motion drag racing...

I am not sure why I find these so beautiful- but I do.

Cohabitation and Representation

After reading my last post it occurs to me that I came off as a bit of a minimalist. This is not true at all. In fact, the representation is incredibly obtuse. My Desert Isle would be a nightmare of epic proportions, even if I did have the items I mentioned. I wasn't trying to say that in some way I wish that were the way my life could be.

I need people in my world, and I love my "stuff"- you know, all the shit I own, and have accumulated over the 32 years of my life.

I was watching the news, and saw a huge apartment building similar to mine that had burnt to the ground. The interview with a displaced couple was particularly moving, as they had lost all that they own. I felt sorry for their loss, and it made me think about my own coverage if something like that happened to us.

It is important to be sure you have adequate insurance, so I increased my coverage to compensate for Shananigan's belongings as well as my own. I also added her name to the policy. While I was at it, I added her to my auto insurance policy. I realized at that moment that I now have everything in common with Shananigans that I ever had with my ex-wife. We share the same address, same bed, same bank accounts, and insurance. We are now a $250 weekend package to Vegas, and a name change away from being hitched.

So why not?

Well... It really is too soon. We have rushed into this very serious situation with little caution, so now is the time to slow down a bit, and evaluate the future. Perspective is a lot clearer now as comfort permeates our lives. Now we are being who we are, and not who we think we ought to be. Now is the time when we really get to meet each other, and not simply each others manufactured representative.

I bet you know what I am talking about if you really think about it. Your Representative is you putting on your "best face". It is your cocktail party self- the person who talks about high ideals, and appears to really have it "together" all the time. Strangely enough, your representative is more often defined by who they are not, rather than who they are.
Your representative doesn't fart, they don't forget to flush, they certainly don't get drunk and passout in hallways, and they don't complain, or speak wistfully of a better life. Representatives don't fail, and they don't falter. Their lives are pristine and successful.

The people that REALLY know you, don't know your representative. The people that love you would probably think your representative is an asshole.

So what does that say about the person who fell in love with this perfect alter ego?

Well...

This is why we aren't getting married right now. We have been together for a year, and we just met.

My Desert Isle... Needs vs Wants

What would you like to have if you were stranded on a Desert Island? This is a popular question people ask each other. Most people take it as an opportunity to discuss their favorite things- music, art- What could you be alone with for the rest of your life...
But people aren't practical- they dont consider things like the fact that they will reach the end of that book, or the painting they love won't shelter them from a tropical depression. you will eventually run out of booze, and your Wii isn't any good without electricity. This is a deserted island people, as in uninhabited.
In fact most people who answer this way are thinking about what they would do if they were to be a hermit in their apartment for a weekend, not doomed to an eternity of lonliness after being cast away upon some uninhabited rock. Secured in their solitude by the deep blue vastness of ocean. What would you like to have in order to insure your survival? A fucking CD? Are you serious?

In the name of practicality I would normally say "satalite phone, case of Yeungling, and a flare gun" but that answer is uninteresting and reveals little about me other than that I am practical, and I try to come prepared. this is a blog. I gotta keep it interesting.

First thing you have to know is that I am THE man you want with you on a desert island. I spent 81 days in the desert when I was 15- two weeks of which were spent "solo". I can start fires with friction, fish with a spear, and interpret the impending weather conditions. I have made stone tools, and found fresh water in the desert. I am not trying to brag, and I am not trying to say that I would definently survive- but I am WAY ahead of the next guy as far as experience, therefore my chances of welfare on a desert island are far greater than his.

If we are talking survival equipment- I am taking one of those big swiss army knives that has all the stuff in it- knife, fork, spoon, and most importantly- magnifying glass. I would also take about 300 sq ft of blue tarp- you can build an awesome shelter with blue tarp. For my third object I would bring a big pot to use to boil water over the fire I started with my magnifying glass, and cook the fish I caught using the tackle I wittled with the knife. During the day I would lounge beneath my blue tarp shelter and try to recreate some of the conveniences I am so accustomed to- things like furniture, and storage. I would also use a solar evaporation method to reduce salt water to salt for use as a seasoning agent, and also as a preservative for the meat I captured.

Hopefully my desert island would have some vegetation I could use to construct a frame for my tarp shelter, but in a worst case scenario I could just dig out a hole and use the tarp to cover it.

So there- I have it covered for you- food, water, shelter, fire

That is what you NEED people- not a play list on your fucking Ipod.

Rearview- 2007

January- Dating Amanda- that pretty much sums up the month.


February- Won Chili cook-off, Dumped Amanda, settled lawsuit, and bought Big TV


March- Went to Prague for work, Paris to get Drunk, and at the End of the month I went to KeyWest for a week on vacation.


April- met Shannon, started dating. Went to London for work. Turned 32.


May- Keels and Wheels show in Houston. Meet Carroll Shelby. Shannon has infamous 1 and 1/2 Margarita night.


June- Lost a friend to sleep apnea, visited Michigan for a funeral, and a wedding. Beach volleyball begins.


July- 4th of July with Fuzzy, and Jessie in Erie, Family reunion in San Antonio featuring "The Hallway Incident". Fuzzy's Bachelor party takes place in Pittsburgh- Hilarity ensues.


August- Fuzzy & Jessie Stag-n-Drag party- Shannon meets the gang, Shannon meets my Mum. All goes well with both meetings. Beach volleyball comes to it's end.


September- I figure out that it is ok to go watch Steelers games at the bar by myself. Fuzzy and Jessie get hitched.


October- Shannon and I move into our new apartment. the new place is bigger than my old place, but too small for our combined stuff. We have 9 months to figure out how to deal with that. Shannon gets promoted at work. Nothing doing on Halloween, I leave for Vegas.


November- I am in Vegas for the SEMA show. Hotel room is ridiculously expensive. I lose money in the casino, but then I manage to recover my lost funds at the roulette tables. I leave after breaking even. Hence: I am not a "winner", but I am also not a "loser" in Vegas. Thanksgiving spent in Michigan with Shannon's family- nice bunch of folks. Shannon's promotion is stressing her out.


December- Lots of shopping. Gave in and bought a PS3, although I refuse to become addicted. Bountiful Christmas as Shannon showered me with gifts. I only hope she is equally as pleased. We had company throughout the month, and I enjoyed hanging out with Shannon's brother Clayton. We spent Christmas with Shannon's aunt Colleen, and Uncle Joe, and their daughter Elizabeth. Good times were had by all. Clayton returned on Dec. 28th to stick around through NewYears, and we ended the year quietly at home with family and friends in our cramped little apartment.



So that was 07- Not a bad year in all. I liked the travel, and there were a few little adventures to report here with more grandiose, and spediferous detail. Stay tuned. I might just tell the one about that time I went sleepwalking in San Antonio...



For the year to come? We are going to Houston this month, there is a Chili cookoff championship to defend in February, and we are going to Barcelona, and Copenhagen in March. In April i turn 33, and god knows what will happen if we end up going to Mexico in May. 08 is shaping up to be another big year. I hope you will come along for the ride!