Karoshi

If you are anything like me, then we would agree that work is a necessary means for a necessary means to get by in this world. I go there, I do what I am asked, and then I go home. Once I am home, I do what I want. If there is one thing I never want out of my work, it is to become personally involved with it.
As a former boss once said- It's just business, nothing personal.
Sometimes I wonder if that attitude isn't costing me something in my career.
I know that I do not "love what I do" as so many claim they do. What I do is stressful, and consuming. Don't get me wrong, I don't hate it, I just don't "love" it, and in some way my ideals have led me to the conclusion that there is something wrong with that.
If you read my first post, then you know I have done a little of everything I can think of. I have mowed lawns, and I have washed cars. I have flipped burgers, and I have repaired bicycles. I was a security guard, and a pizza man, a hospital orderly, and a car salesman. I tended bar to get through college, and I did PR as an internship. I got the grades, and I got the degree. Now I talk to assholes in foreign countries for a living. I would feel bad for calling them assholes if it weren't the truth. I wouldn't be surprised if they have a similar opinion of me.
I also don't really care. Fuck em, as long as I get my check. Right?

But is that right? I really don't want it to be. Somehow in my quest to improve my income I have landed here, a lower management newb in a business for which I have zero passion. I live in a city I bear no love for, in an apartment I could care less about, paying rent that amounts to more than a mortgage on a lovely 3 bedroom home in picturesque Erie Pennsyltucky. Aside from my lovely live-in girlfriend my associations are few. For some reason I have set my mind against becoming attached to anything about my life in this phase (aside from Shananigans, but even she was a happy accident.) It is just odd.

I have dwelled upon this void as I ride the commuter train back and forth to my cubicell, and I wonder- just what should I be doing, and how do I get to doing it? What would it pay? would that be enough?
It isn't like it costs a fortune to be me. Aside from rent, my bills are minimal. I could pretty much resolve my personal debt with the contents of my savings. I own my car, and all my furniture. I am not sure if that is a blessing or a curse though. All the shit I own, I have to take with me. That costs $$$. Seriously- I have amassed so much crap at his point that it practically owns me. the trappings of adulthood I suppose. I have also become accustomed to a few extra dollars in my pocket, so salary is a factor- no matter how sold out that sounds, I needs me some cash money.

So I ask you to ponder- where should a 32 yr old career drifter focus his attention? Where is the job that even I can "love"? I have tried nearly 36 things over the course of my working life- and it is getting late in the game for pondering options.