Just Say No

Nanigans has made a convincing argument for home birth, and in order to do this you must have a certified person known as a Midwife. The Parent/Midwife association is an interesting relationship because it is like a first date, you meet the person, decide if you like them or not, and you both try to convince each other that you are awesome, and they want to accept you, and move forward with a relationship. The problem is that when you have a specific person that you have heard about, it becomes like trying to court the most desireable girl in school- you know of her, she has a good rep, so you want to impress her so that she will be interested, but she has never heard of you and she has no problem finding dates, so you need to find an angle.

We thought we had a good angle because Nanigans is currently in the baby marketing industry, and she has a few connections. She has met a few very competent midwives in a sort of social environment, and we were able to get an appointment to discuss the possibility of bringing one on as our Midwife for Lila. the appointment was for 5 o'clock yesterday evening, and it was with our 2nd choice. The gist of this meeting was supposed to be that we were discussing costs, and this womans ability to serve as a back up in the event of emergency because our first choice tends to travel a bit.

To make a long story short, Midwife #2 cancelled on us. I figured it was just a matter of rescheduling, but no, in fact she was taking herself out of contention.

Why? Who knows... But lord did she have excuses. "well, I work as much as I want to, would really love to do it but I am just too busy at that time, I don't really need the money, I don't really do this for the money, So and so is a really great Midwife, and I think you will do great with her, I met your wife and she is really great, I think you are great candidates for a home birth... ect ect ect.

I felt a sudden pang of confused dissappointment, and a little bitterness. This is something that my wife REALLY wants, but this woman who is supposed to be very good just flaked out on us citing a scheduling conflict, and love for the game. Honestly, I just want to get off the phone, but this woman won't quit justifying her decision to step aside, and I find myself glad handing her- "No, it's no problem. Sure we understand, I guess that is just the way it goes right?" Still she kept going, and at this point I am tuning her out as my mind starts to work over the fact that both Nanigans and I had left work early- we were in the car on our way to see this woman, and got prematurely rejected for reasons I could only classify as "miscellaneous". I actually got more frustrated because this woman wouldn't stop explaining herself. Why set the appointment up at all?

This got me thinking about rejection. When you are rejecting someone, I think the best method is to make it brief and to the point- like removing a band-aid. Just grip it and rip it man! Face it, you are not going to be liked by the person you rejected. You will be an asshole to them. Dragging the shit out with a pile of excuses, and reasoning doesn't help the rejected solve for anything other than you are an asshole who can't manage their schedule, eventually leading to the conclusion that you are an asshole who doesn't know when to shut the fuck up. Keep it brief, that is the ticket!

"Sorry, it isn't going to work out" If they ask why, then give 1 reason. "my schedule is just too full" and if you want to be nice, then recommend an alternative "I have a number for an associate that may be able to help". after that, the conversation is over.

You can apply that formula for every rejection in your life. No shit.

Break up: "Sorry it just isn't going to work out. Why? well, I am just not into it. Try match.com I hear it works well- later"

Business: "Sorry, it just isn't going to work out. Why? The numbers are just too far apart so we went with another bidder. Alright, later"

Family: "Sorry, it just isn't going to work out. Why? It is just too far to drive. Alright, later"

Friends: "Sorry, we can't make it. Why? Last time you got all hammered and threw up all over yourself. Got to an AA meeting. Alright later."

See? Simple.