Counting backwards from nine

Ok, so maybe you picked up on my new theme- and just in case you are dim- 9 months equals the gestation period for a human child. That is right. I am going to be a Father. A Dad. A Poppa. A "Proud Parent" if you will. I think the time is right.

I remember when I was in my twenties, and I got married the first time. My wife and I came up with all sorts of reasons not to have a child. "We want to travel" was one of them, and the rest were basically variations on that theme. It was all about what we would be giving up, and what we would be missing if we settled down. We both agreed that if it happened then we would consider it a good thing and move forward, but I must admit I was still living in a degree of fear. Birth control was in full effect, and in the back of my mind I knew I just didn’t want it to happen. Good thing too, because 3 years later I got divorced. Strangely enough I think I was the person most surprised by that event. If you ask my closest friends you might gather the impression that there was a pool going regarding the eventuality of fate for my first marriage. Nobody really liked Diane for me. We just weren’t a good fit I suppose.

Fortunately the only custody to consider in the split was that of our little dog Romeo- I do miss the little guy, but he was a gift I gave to her and a fight seemed moodt. The day we signed the papers was the last time I laid eyes on Diane. that chapter closed, and the next 5 years adventure began.

As a suitor I have always been a bit quirky. I have had a handful of relationships that panned out poorly, and some that probably could have gone better if not for my own hang-ups. All along I was careful to avoid making promises that went beyond the end of a year.

Then I met Nanigans- and all of that changed pretty immediatly. I loved living alone, but she would stay. As overnights turned into over weeks the progression felt natural, and comfortable. She went from my date to my companion, and co-conspirator. Weeks turned into months, and now a year. We have our struggles, but if I have learned anything from experience it is that everyone struggles. It is how you feel about the person as a whole that really counts. She matches me in passion, wit, and enthusiasm. She has a great heart, and she loves my people. This is important: She readily embraces my friends, and family- and if you know me at all then you know that they are as much a part of my being as my own personality. We fight very little, and we love very much.

I love her.

And now the news- We are going to be 3. Within the next year I will have another person to whom I will owe every responsibility. It isn’t about me anymore, it will be about "us"- and more specifically "them".

There are some who have shunned this reality as yet another of my folly’s. I disagree. Some say that I am not ready- I disagree.

I know this is the right thing because the first thought that entered my mind when the maternity tests came back positive was- "Wow" and the feeling that came with it was pure joy. A smile has come to my consciousness that I can’t really describe. It lives in my mind, and everytime it shows itself you best believe I am thinking about the future, and the potential for great things. It is a revolution of mindset. A baby is no longer something that would hold me back- it is something that will move me forward. It isn’t about what we can’t do- it is about what we will do, and the promise is intoxicating.

I am far from perfect. I realize that there are those of you who probably read my post about my family reunion in San Antonio and wonder how a guy who blacked out and locked himself out of a hotel room after a major drinking binge can be ready for the massive responsibility of parenthood. Well folks- you ought to hear my Dad’s story about the bottle of Mezcal, and how he accidentally shaved off half his mustache. That was just an episode in lifes adventure. Many of you know of my episodes- some of them are legendary. I am still pleased to have played my part, for better or for worse. I am likely to continue to folly as I grow as a person, but that isn’t the complete reflection of my paternal abilities.

Fortunately I know that being a parent doesn’t require perfection- what it requires of a father is desire, intent, and dedication. I have those qualities. I am so enthusiastic I can hardly contain myself as the next chapter is beginning.

Let the countdown commence...

Got into a fight this morning...

I bumped into a guy while I was getting off the train. I had been listening to my iPod, and reading a headline on my newspaper and just wasn't watching where I was going.

So I am walking along, and I bump into this guy and knock him down. Yeah, well, I could NOT believe it. He was a DWARF! and you know how you sometimes just-get-sooo-stressed and life-stuff seems to get funny?

He gets up and brushes himself off, looks up at me with anger in his eys and says, "I AM NOT HAPPY!"

So, I look down at him and simply say, "Well, which one are you then?"

... and that's how the fight started.